Book Club Review Episode 'On Our Best Behavior': The Societal Costs of Enforced Goodness on Women by Elise Loehnen
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[00:00:00] Hello, bold goal crushers super excited. It's a book episode. Yay. I know you all love the book club episodes and I have one for you today. This is a very thick book. As you can see lots of tabs here and it is on our best behavior, the seven deadly sins and the price women pay to be good. And it's by Eloise Lohan.
And I cannot wait to dive into this book. So I know you all love to read along and sometimes you don't and that's okay. So if you haven't read the book, don't push pause. Don't stop listening because I will do an overview of the book. So spoiler alert though, if you're planning on reading the book and you don't want to be spoiled, hit pause, jump forward to the next episode.
So welcome back. This is the podcast where we dive in to crushing our goal goals and everything that gets in the way. And this book [00:01:00] is a great compliment to our topic, because this is all about the 7 deadly sins and the price we pay for being good as women. And so I'm going to jump right in. This book really does take a deep dive.
It is very filled with data and facts. So if you like a light read, probably not this one, it's a deep dive into the way society expects women to behave and often at the cost of our true selves as women. So on our best behavior is just not about gender roles. It's really a radical exploration of how we have this ancient concept of the seven deadly sins that have shaped the way women are expected to behave, think, and honestly, even feel.
So she argues that these sins, so it's pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth have been basically weaponized to keep women in line, [00:02:00] limiting our potential as women or their potential as women and causing them to suppress their true authentic self. The seven deadly sins are really used as this tool of control.
So her premises is pretty bold and the title of this podcast is the bold goal crusher podcast. So I love the word bold, but she starts by unpacking each of the seven deadly sins, but not in a like religious sense, we're familiar with so instead, she really focuses on how the concepts have been culturally manipulated over the centuries to control women.
For example, we'll take pride as an example in many cultures, pride is seen as a sin, but for women. It's often been framed as arrogance or vanity. So taking it that step further and women are encouraged to be humble to downplay their achievements to [00:03:00] be really modest. And even when women have accomplished something amazing.
The author poses the question, why is it sinful for a woman to be proud of herself? And then let's take envy. For example, the book delivers dives into how envy is used to pit women against each other, rather than allowing them to unite in their ambitions. The fear of being envious or being envied often prevents women from truly expressing what they truly desire.
So she shows us how this concept is culturally ingrained, setting a stage where women are constantly comparing themselves to others, leading to self doubt and division, but also being pitted against each other by society. And I thought that was really. A powerful analysis using the MB. Alright, then the author goes beyond the individual and looks at [00:04:00] society's cost of this enforced goodness.
So she argues that women are socialized to be self sacrificing, putting others needs before their own. And she uses sloth as an example. Women are told to always be busy, always be productive. Have you ever felt that way? And to never rest. And the glorification of this burnout culture is real. We talk about this on the show all the time and it affects women disproportionately to men.
Men are taught to relax after work, to come home and chill out on the weekend, whereas women are taught to always be busy. And so she talks a lot about the fear of being seen as lazy and how that drives women to overwork, over commit, often at the expense of their own health and happiness. And then let's go on to wrath.
So [00:05:00] women who express anger are labeled as hysterical or unreasonable or even crazy. And she suggests that the suppression of anger is a powerful tool used to keep women silent. And by reframing wrath as something inherently negative, society discourages women from standing up for ourselves or honestly, others.
So what's the solution? The author just doesn't diagnose the problem. She also provides a pathway for breaking free. She emphasizes the importance of self awareness and reclaiming one's own narrative. And she urges women to redefine what it means to be good. On their own terms, so not just by the standards set by the patriarchal society, for instance, embracing gluttony as the freedom to enjoy life fully or reimagining lust as a powerful tool of creativity and [00:06:00] expression, rather than something to be ashamed of.
She also makes it very clear that this isn't a woman's issue, it's a society issue. Men, too, are confined by these narrow definitions of virtue versus vice, and breaking free requires this collective effort. It means changing long standing narratives, questioning our own internalized beliefs, and fostering environments where everyone can express their feelings.
full range of human emotions and desires without the fear of judgment. So on our best behavior, the author provides a fresh perspective of how historical and cultural norms have impacted women for, honestly, centuries. And she really encourages readers, especially women, to understand these manipulative, dynamics and to step into the power by embracing the very traits society has labeled as sin.[00:07:00]
So the book's main call to action is asking for us to challenge the norms that hold us back and to create a more inclusive way of being. Now, if you're looking for a book that'll make you think deeply about societal expectations, self worth, personal freedom, this is a must read. It's not a light read.
Her writing is very fierce, dense, and compassionate, I will say. And it does provide a roadmap for anyone to look for. To break free from these changes and this constraint of goodness, and I think that one of the most powerful quotes that was stated in here that I'll read is that the mother is often the one who gave up her hopes for her own creative life and in her disappointment projected her unlived life into her child spoken or unspoken the grief in front of her.
Frustration of that sacrifice weigh heavily on the child, [00:08:00] the mother felt caged in a cage of marriage, the bars of the cage, not being her husband, whom she had already realized was not Prince Charming, but the child, the guilt that the child feels for the crime. It never committed has then. Made it question the fact of its very existence.
That quote really hit home for me because I think so many times society has put different things on us, and many women bear that. I don't have children, but I have been One that was criticized for not having children because I wasn't patient enough or willing to make a sacrifice. So anyway, I definitely encourage you to read this book.
Thanks for tuning in until next time, please keep reading. And we have a great book club. If you haven't checked out the book club, I encourage you to do it. It's sarahmayer. com [00:09:00] slash join book club. And that will get you all the details. on what books we are reading next. If you are watching on YouTube, welcome.
Make sure you hit that subscribe button. If you're listening to this podcast on audio, please feel free to share this with someone else. Our next book Is the billion dollar brand club. So that's our next book. And then the book after that is the hidden potential, the science of achieving greater things.
And our book after that is the successful speaker. If you're interested in any of these books or joining the book club. Simply go to Sarahmayer. com slash join book club. If you're already in the book club, you get the emails, you know what we're reading next. We'd love to have you follow along and make sure you get out there and crush your goals and everything that gets in the way because you don't need to work double time.
So let's get to [00:10:00] it.
