EP 201 Book Club: Permission to Offend by Rachel Luna
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Sara Mayer: [00:00:00] Welcome to the bold goal crusher podcast for anyone looking to stop letting life get in the way and start crushing bold goals. I'm your host, Sara Mayer, and I'm thrilled to navigate this journey with you because it's time to start boldly achieving without working double time. So let's dive in.
Sara Mayer: Hello, Bold Goal Crushers! Today, I'm super excited about this episode. I'm always excited about episodes, but this book! Is the book club book permission to offend by Rachel Luna before we get started, just a quick reminder of the bold goal crushed mission. So it's all about breaking through limits to achieve your audacious bold goals and not let life get in the way.
Sara Mayer: So let's jump into the pages of Luna's book. So first things first, who is Rachel Luna and [00:01:00] why should her insights matter to us? The first thing is she she's a coach in the personal development world and her life experiences. Really have shaped her unique perspective.
Sara Mayer: She kicks off the book sharing so much of herself, and now she's sharing that wisdom with us in her book, permission to offend. So let's get into the nitty gritty. What is this book all about? This isn't just another self help book. It's actually a guide to breaking free from social expectations, embracing discomfort, and honestly.
Sara Mayer: It's giving us permission to offend. It's about adopting a mindset that propels you truly towards your biggest goals. So let's get a little personal. What stood out to me as I read the pages of permission to offend for me, it's all about liberation, that breaking free of societal norms and Luna's [00:02:00] perspective on embracing discomfort truly hit It made me reflect on some moments when I held back, honestly, for fear of offending somebody or stepping out of the norm.
Sara Mayer: And I think it's important post COVID. Many of us have taken a look at our lives and really thought about what we want our lives to be. So I think it's important to really think about that as we step into our lives for the rest of time. So how does her philosophy really align with the bold gold crusher mindset?
Sara Mayer: First of all, it's all about breaking barriers. And that's what Luna is all about. It resonates with our mission here, and it's about smashing through limitations and going after what you truly want. Now, I would be remiss if I didn't really share some of her great quotes that she has in this book.
Sara Mayer: So first let [00:03:00] me grab it. Let me find it really quick. I have them all marked here. Hold on, I lost my page.
Sara Mayer: Okay, so she says, let me be clear, giving yourself permission to offend is not about being intentionally hurtful. It's about giving yourself permission to own and share all the parts of you without the filters, the shame or the fear that so often hold people back. So contrary to popular belief, when you give yourself permission to offend, you are not instigating conflict, division, or strife with others.
Sara Mayer: It's not about saying without thinking, demanding the spotlight or putting others down. Offending is truly about liberation, truth, empathy, humanity, strength of character. And character was what I had to give myself permission to build as I released a [00:04:00] decade of shame and unworthiness. I love it. So that's the permission to offend to truly be ourself.
Sara Mayer: And she also goes on to say, when people tell me they're afraid of offending, the reality is they're more afraid of the consequence of offense. They're worried that they might actually lose credibility, loss of status, or even get canceled. Now, unfortunately, I couldn't sit down with Rachel Luna today, but I do have some golden nuggets from her about setting bold goals and overcoming obstacles while offended, while having permission to offend.
Sara Mayer: So stay tuned for more insights straight from the author itself. But for now, let's keep the discussion rolling. So I want to inform you like. I want to hear from you. What are your thoughts on permission to offend? After I read that, what are you thinking about when you think about permission to offend?
Sara Mayer: What are some of the things that you [00:05:00] have held back on? And maybe drop those in the comments, insert a hashtag, held back from telling so and so This or that. And of course, we're going to do that in a nice way. So let's drill this down a little bit. What actions can you take right now if you're inspired by the concept of permission to offend?
Sara Mayer: So there may be one area That you're holding back for fear of offending. And then it's time to take one small, bold step towards breaking free. And remember, discomfort is the birthplace of growth. So you don't want to shy away from discomfort. You actually want to lean into it
Sara Mayer: now, permission to offend does share, as I mentioned, it's one of those workbooks that you are books that you are able to do to work the book. And so I love this. So she has some great recommendations. So what really happens [00:06:00] is there's a cycle that we go through that she shares. So something happens, you have a thought, you tell yourself a story.
Sara Mayer: You make that story mean something, and then you have a feeling about that story. And you have a conscious response or an unconscious reaction. And then something else happens in the loop continues. And this model and this loop actually plays over in your head. And so permission to fend breaks that down.
Sara Mayer: So here's a story of what will happen. Something happened. My husband didn't acknowledge me. There you go. I had a thought. We're going to miss the turn because he didn't acknowledge that we're supposed to turn here. I told myself a story. He never listens to me. I assigned meaning to the story.
Sara Mayer: He's not listening because I am stupid. I had feelings. I feel angry, hurt, and rejected. I reacted to my story. I had an emotional [00:07:00] outburst and insisted we go home. Has anybody else found themselves in this loop? I know I have. So many times those stories that we tell ourselves, as we all know, are there for us to protect ourselves.
Sara Mayer: Our brain is trying to protect us. Sometimes, many times the brain is actually not protecting us. So what you want to do in the principles of permission to offend is truly activate your truth. And that's about fact finding. and being a truth teller. So there's ways that she suggests that you can activate your truth.
Sara Mayer: So the first one is most of your thoughts happen automatically and stories can be conscious or subconscious. So the stories truly Create our beliefs and you can accept or reject stories at any moment. And I think that's the key that we all have power to do [00:08:00] that. So it's important that we pay attention to the feelings that seemingly pop up out of nowhere and separate the facts from fiction and the stories that we told ourselves.
Sara Mayer: And to really question and choose new beliefs, because that's where the framework for freedom, as she calls it, does allow you. To then truly live your authentic life. Now, many of us have been in conflict before, and there are a lot of words that come up in complex. So some of the words are because, and that's a reason.
Sara Mayer: And so we're attaching a reason to something that happened to us. And what's really hiding beneath the reason is this belief. And so going back to her story about how she believed. That he thought she was stupid. She also believed herself that she was stupid. And so it's important that limiting to remember that limiting [00:09:00] beliefs are often subconscious.
Sara Mayer: And that's what the framework to freedom is all about is really breaking down those stories and giving ourself permission to adopt new beliefs and to amplify our ability to. Identify others who believe in us and also to truly state our truth. So one of the tactics that she uses, which I totally love because most of our, most of us are having conversations with ourself all day long in our head.
Sara Mayer: And one of the actions that she has put into practice is to really think about what she's thinking about. And she says that her therapist recommended this. And at first she was like, yeah, whatever. And she started talking back to her thoughts. And she would say when something was like, Oh, he thinks I'm stupid.
Sara Mayer: She would say back to her thought or herself. Thank you for that unnecessary thought. [00:10:00] Thank you for that unnecessary thought. I think I'm stupid. Thank you for that unnecessary thought. He doesn't like me. Thank you for that unnecessary thought. And then, she noticed that it changed the way she was thinking, and I think that's so cool.
Sara Mayer: But she added a sentence. Now she says, Thank you for that unnecessary thought. I prefer when you serve me life affirming thoughts. And it's really changed her subconscious. Like now her subconscious is giving her better thoughts. She's thinking more positively and she's not creating stories about things that simply just aren't true.
Sara Mayer: And she says in the book, I give myself permission to live in a world of this and that. So I love that activity. I'm going to say thank you for that unnecessary thought. I. Would prefer if you served me. What was it? Life. [00:11:00] I prefer if you serve me where'd it go? Anyway, I prefer if you serve me more life.
Sara Mayer: altering thoughts or life positive thoughts. And she talks a lot about in this book, the principles to offend permission to offend principles. And so the first one truly is empathy. And she talks about how we need to understand and share the feelings of others, but it's automatic self preservation that causes us.
Sara Mayer: To become who we become in order to stay safe, so she really breaks it down into a couple type of people. The critic, the highly, the high personal touch low faith, and so this person has a hurdle to make decisions without second guessing. And to end comparing themselves to each other. And one affirmation she suggests for this person is the critic.
Sara Mayer: [00:12:00] It's safe for me to speak my truth without blame or shame. And then there's the pleaser low personal truth, low faith. And their hurdle is to truly stand against what you believe and to they, to seek verification instead of validation. And their affirmation, she suggests is when I speak my truth, I paved the way for others to do the same.
Sara Mayer: Then there's the wounded offender who has a low personal truth, but a high faith. And the hurdle for them is to release the victimhood without denying the harm they've endured. And the affirmation is I'm seen, I'm heard and better understood when I stand up for my beliefs. I love that one. And then there's the empathetic offender, high personal truth, high faith.
Sara Mayer: And this one is, Their hurdle is to let go of taking ownership of responsibility for someone else's truth in an attempt to be empathetic or compassionate. [00:13:00] And their affirmation is, it's safe for me to offend in defense of my truth when I do with empathy and compassion. So I just love that she helps us identify what are the areas that we need to think about in order to truly Have permission to offend and
Sara Mayer: there, there is. She does talk about this and some people are offended by the book title, Permission to Offend. And she says here, I think there will always be some people who don't believe there's ever a time to give yourself permission to offend. I believe the world desperately needs more people who are willing to stand up and speak out.
Sara Mayer: And the world needs more of your authentic truth. So let's remember that speaking up leads to freedom, not just for yourself, but others. And so I think it's important to remember it's permission to offend with intention [00:14:00] rather than permissioning, just to offend people. So when we shy away because we're scared, we might offend somebody it.
Sara Mayer: It doesn't serve anybody and it may be necessary to offend even in moments when others deem inappropriate. So hard conversations really do need to happen. And often when we try not to offend people or those people who start a sentence and say no offense, but it's offensive right there, but there is permission to offend.
Sara Mayer: Let's just not start off with that. So she gives us a mission in this book. Your mission is to set a ridiculously simple goal for yourself that you can achieve three days in a row. Each day you achieve the goal, celebrate it. And why are we talking about goals in a book? Called permission to offend. And the reason is many of us don't reach our goals [00:15:00] because we're afraid to offend others, or we're afraid that people will not understand our journey, or we don't want to truly live our authentic self.
Sara Mayer: And so giving ourselves permission to offend and to confront the hard stuff opens up a world for us. To lean into our goals and truly live authentic lives. Before we wrap up, there are a couple other books I would recommend alongside Permission to Offend. And the next one I've already started.
Sara Mayer: It's a pink theme. If you're watching on YouTube, this book, Radical Confidence, Lisa Bayou, I think is her last name. I would definitely check this out. This is our next month book, and it truly compliments Lena's teachings, honestly, brilliantly. So thank you for joining me today. I highly encourage you to get the book, Permission to Offend, because you would never guess what this woman Rachel Luna [00:16:00] has been through until you read the book and permission to offend is truly to help you live your faith, your truth, your freedom, and live in abundance.
Sara Mayer: So there's actionable steps in this book that will help you to go forward and live your authentic self by giving yourself permission to offend. So check it out. All right, bold goal crushers. It's time to crush your goals and everything that gets in the way. So we don't have to work double time. So let's get to it.
Sara Mayer: Thank you for tuning into the bold goal crusher podcast where we crush goals and everything that gets in the way. I always love to support my community.
Sara Mayer: I look forward to seeing you crush your goals this year.
