Ep 184 Stop Comparing your Chapter 1 to their Chapter 36
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Welcome to the bold goal crusher podcast for anyone looking to stop letting life get in the way and start crushing bold goals. I'm your host, Sara Mayer, and I'm thrilled to navigate this journey with you because it's time to start boldly achieving without working double time. So let's dive in.
Hello, bold goal crushers. I'm super excited about this episode today because it's been coming up quite frequently with many of my clients. And that's the topic of comparison. Every time you embark on a new journey, you may be a [00:02:00] beginner. Or maybe you're just doing something that's a little more challenging, not something you can just do out of habit.
And when you embark on that new journey, it's so easy for us as humans to compare ourselves. to others. And many times that's what holds us back from getting started, from continuing when things get difficult, and from finishing some of the coolest projects, dreams, and things that we're working on. And I'm very similar to you.
I've done it before as well. And with the comparison, it's really a trap because it keeps us in our comfort zone and it keeps us doing things that we are maybe a little bit scared of or a little uncomfortable about doing. Social media has totally blown that up because [00:03:00] you have visibility into. the things that other people are doing.
It's right in your face. And it's like, when you decide you want to buy a red car and then you see all these red cars, then you might start to think, Oh, maybe there's too many red cars. So if you have this idea, oftentimes it's that attraction in the universe that puts that in front of us. So we notice it more.
They were always there. All those red cars were always there. And so I think it's important to just remember that because of social media, that comparison is front and center. We have a lot more access into people's lives, into people's business and into people's projects and dreams. Now, I know that in society it's real easy just to say, just focus on you or stay in your lane if you're a swimmer.
And that's easier said than done. I think we all know that there are harmful effects of [00:04:00] comparison. So beyond not even finishing your goals and dreams, it can take an emotional toll. It can cause anxiety, low self-esteem, depression, and it obviously hinders. personal growth and creativity. So there are people all over who have struggled with comparison, but I'm going to share my story.
When I first started out on my journey to create a digital course and to show up online, I came across a guru, which I've been talking a lot about in the last couple of months because she truly changed my life and business, Amy Porterfield. And I would show up on her masterclasses, on her lives, on her calls.
And she was so perfect and so polished and had everything together and knew what to say and technology and the studio and the. And I could go on for. And then I stumbled upon a YouTube video, which is still on [00:05:00] her page today. We talked about this when I interviewed Amy on my podcast a couple of months ago.
So if you haven't checked it out, it's still there. And it was a video of her when she first started and she had literally a closet behind her. There's a door coming out of her head. She had a little bob haircut and it was not the Amy that we know today. And this really fueled my fire because I realized that everybody starts somewhere and that we all start at beginners.
So for a good book reference, let's not compare our chapter one to somebody else's chapter 36. Or if you're in the swimming. analogy, stay in your lane and in your pool. Just because Michael Phelps is in a pool somewhere else at the Olympics doesn't mean we need to compare ourselves to Michael Phelps.
And I know that's easier said than done. Because we all want to do a good job. We all want to be liked [00:06:00] and loved in this world. And we don't ever want to provide a service or do something that's not high quality. Nobody I think gets up every day and says, how can I do this? So it's bad for people, so I think it's really important to truly think about. Comparison and know that many people struggle with that. Now, I will tell you, Amy shared on my podcast that she also struggled with comparing herself to others. She had thoughts of who am I to do this? Why do I think I can do this? Who's going to pay me for this?
I'm just a beginner. And so it's all normal. Everybody has comparison. It maybe just changes. who they're comparing themselves to. The closer they get to Michael Phelps, maybe they would compare themselves more to Michael Phelps. But many times it's the beginners that are comparing themselves to the Olympic athlete types or the people playing at the top of their [00:07:00] game.
And that's because again, it's all in our face now, whereas before it may not be as easy. So there's a couple of ways that you can overcome the comparison mindset. So one of the first ways is to really become self aware of where you're at. And to create those things that you're seeing in others that maybe they do really well, set those as personal or professional development goals rather than seeing them as something that you will never be or something you're not now.
See it as something you could grow into or become by really applying the skills, grab the lessons from them and create a journey for yourself so that you can actually Sit in that seat one day and realize that you made it to their chapter 30. The other one is to give yourself some self [00:08:00] compassion. People love to see us just being human.
They don't want to see perfect robots out there. If so, we could just use AI and do some videos and put them out there and everyone would be happy, but people buy from people. Be compassionate, know that you're just learning, know that you're trying something out and know that it's a journey. It's a journey of learning and discovery for you.
Now, there are some ways that you can shift your mindset towards self acceptance and self improvement. And the first one is to really think about where you've come from in the past. Because. I know that there's something that you could go back and look at maybe a video, a photo, and you could say, Ooh, that probably is, wow, I've come a long way.
Cringeworthy, I think is what teenagers say these days. And you can realize that you've come a long way. And so I think [00:09:00] it's really important to. When you start to get in this comparison and you start to look at somebody else and you start to self doubt yourself to one as a strategy, take a step back and journal or write or just take a moment and think about all the things that you once started as a beginner that now you're good at.
And it's uncomfortable when you start as a beginner, but you were able to figure it out. It's like the first day of work when you had a first day of work. And then after you've done that, create that plan, really think about what do you, what are you comparing yourself to? And what are you saying that you're lacking?
So for example, if you're like that person's really polished live. Great. A development plan for you could be to learn how to answer questions impromptu or [00:10:00] how to present on a zoom and maybe there's a checklist, a worksheet of a YouTube video that can help you. But you can create a little mini development plan so that you can get better at those things.
I always think back to when I first started podcasting and I would listen to these great podcasters who interviewed guests. And I always was like, Oh, I'll never be like that. And I'm not like some of them yet, but I know that if I keep working at this and I keep doing it, I will get better at that. And the first couple episodes I recorded on a recorder.
And I was sitting in a room with headphones on and a little headset and a recorder. And I recorded my first episode like seven times and it's still there. You can go listen to it if you want to, but I recorded it seven times because I wasn't comfortable with what I was saying. I wasn't comfortable with my energy [00:11:00] level and now that's all changed.
Now I can do these in one take. I'm not sitting on my bed in a dark room. Just doing audio. I'm doing video now. And so things evolved and that's okay too, because I was a beginner back then and I was just starting out. And the reality is there were many times when I was like, Oh my gosh, what if somebody listens to this?
And. Okay. Like pro tip. If you're thinking about starting a podcast, like in the beginning, nobody's listening, like you're talking to yourself, so it's okay. Same thing with your first video. Probably nobody's really watching it. Now, Amy's who's been not, her video has been on there for years. Somebody's watching that.
Cause I keep talking about it. So she's probably going to get a million views on that video. So check it out. It's also important to really embrace your unique journey in life. I think so many times we compare ourselves and we want to be like that person, but instead we should really figure out what we bring to the table, what our unique gifts are.
And [00:12:00] know that we're never going to be like that person, but we can get good. We can become skilled at some of the things that they do. We can learn how they do things and then craft it in our own way. So there are people who have been successful and they have tried to just copy gurus. And that only lasted for a little bit because they weren't authentic to themselves and they realize that.
Oh, I don't really enjoy this. I'm just trying to be like this person. So I encourage you to really set your own personal goals and celebrate your own achievements and then create a little plan for you so that you know what you need to learn and do in order to become similar to the people you aspire to be.
Now, I do have a couple of clients who have struggled with this in the past, and one of the things that they [00:13:00] really shared was that it was ideal for them to have somebody, especially when you're participating in maybe some of these programs that are really big, to have somebody that was not in the sea of people that could give them individualized support.
So I'm a big fan of. Getting a coach or a consultant to help you along your journey, or even starting as simple as an accountability group. Because many times when we get into these things, there's going to be people at all different levels. If it's if they took the very first swimmer who's like a baby and doesn't know how to swim and Michael Phelps and put them all in the same program.
Just know, I don't know why I'm on Michael Phelps today, but just know that you can do little things like hiring a coach to help you with what you're trying to do, hiring a consultant to help you to give you advice on what to do, or [00:14:00] maybe somebody to do done for you services for you, or just get an accountability group to.
Make sure when you do get those little nuggets in your head that say, I'm not good enough, or I can't do this, or this is really difficult that they can put you in check and keep you on the path. Because in reality, everything we're creating has already been done unless you're inventing a thing like the post it, like most of the time, and the post it's been done.
Most of the time you're doing some version of something that somebody else has done. There aren't that many unique ideas and we all can learn and grow so that we are able to put our cool stuff out into the world. But what happens is we get a great idea. We compare ourselves to others because we're not ready.
We need to learn something in order to be here, and then we stop, or we're doing really good, and then we get a bunch of objections, and we [00:15:00] stop, or we get really close to the finish line, but we don't see the finish line yet, and we haven't achieved success, and we quit right before we're about to be successful.
Comparison is Very difficult to overcome, but remember, please do not compare your chapter one to somebody else's chapter 36. You can do this, create a plan for yourself to learn the skills that you need in order to really achieve the things. that the people that you admire are already doing. I want to thank you for tuning into the bold goal crusher podcast.
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If you're on YouTube, we love to hear everything you have going on. All right, bold goal crushers. It's time to crush your goals and everything that gets in the way because you do not need to work double time. So let's get to it.
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I look forward to seeing you crush your goals this year.
