Ep 137. Book Club Series: Be Your Future Self Now with Guest Cindy Brown
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Sara Mayer: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Bold Goal Crusher Podcast. For anyone looking to stop letting life get in the way and start crushing bold goals. I'm your host, Sara Mayer, and I'm thrilled to navigate this journey with you because it's time to start boldly achieving without working double time. So let's dive in.
Hello, bold goal crushers. I'm super excited about this episode of the book series today. We are going to talk about the book, be your future self now by Dr. Benjamin Hardy. And if you're watching on YouTube, you can tell I have about 5, 000 tabs on this book. So that means it's definitely a great book. So before we start jumping in talking about the book, I want to introduce you to my guest and my friend Cindy Brown and Cindy founded Polish [00:01:00] parents following a 30 plus year career as a public educator.
Cindy. Specializes in the social emotional needs of families with gifted, talented, and twice exceptional children. And as a certified social emotional needs of the gifted parent group facilitator. She runs a series of collaborative parent discussion groups each semester. And additionally, Cindy serves as a program supervisor for the teacher in residence program.
At Rio Salado college, Cindy, I'm so excited to have you on the show today.
Cindy Brown: Thank you for having me. And this topic has been my focus and passion since leaving teaching and starting a new career. So I was so excited to be asked to discuss this particular book.
Sara Mayer: Yeah, this book, when I saw this book, it definitely.
Called your name. It was like, Ooh, Cindy would be great at [00:02:00] this book for this book. And I hadn't read it yet, but it was recommended. I'd read the jacket obviously, and the summary, but I'm very excited to jump in to this book. I know I. As I mentioned, I took a million notes. There's so many great gold nuggets in here, but one of the other cool parts about this book is they do have some toolkits and worksheets that you can fill out to really follow along and do the work to actually.
achieve living in your future self. So for those of you who maybe haven't read it, it's okay. We'll give you the cliff notes and we'll explore all the concepts of the book today. So Cindy, I wanted to start off by asking you, what were your high level takeaways and thoughts about this book? This
Cindy Brown: book for me reinforced that life doesn't just happen to you.
You have more control than you give yourself credit. And it's a matter of literally just [00:03:00] looking into the future picturing. What do you look like? What might you be wearing? Who will you be talking to? What will you be talking about? And that was something that I had to learn to embrace as a retiree starting my own business is just to create that vision and just get it as granule as possible so that, where you're going and then you can decide.
Does this activity serve where I'm headed? Or do I need to stay on my path? And it sounds rigid, but it really isn't. And what I liked about this author, he referenced so many other books and programs that I'm already familiar with. So I just felt like it was like a good friend that we were already having this conversation about all of our future selves.
Sara Mayer: Yeah. He actually co wrote the book, The Gap and the Gain, which I quote all the time. I love this author and just the way that this book was written, it's very easy to understand. It's not too high level but it's very [00:04:00] insightful, which I really like. I think one of the things that really resonated with me with this book is that so many times he talks about being kind and thoughtful about your future self.
And so many times people are like, Oh, I'll worry about retirement later. Or I'll worry about that later. I have plenty of time to think about that. And one of the concepts of the book was that you don't want to really leave all that baggage for your future self to deal with. But then there's this other concept of where we think that we are going to be the same person in the future.
When in reality, we evolve over time. We know we weren't the same person we were in the past, but we have this hard Time visualizing our future selves. Yeah,
that's
Cindy Brown: really true as far as, what I always thought I was going to teach forever and that was going to be it. And two years before I retired, I started [00:05:00] imagining like, what else could this be?
And parent coaching just called out to me and I. started just putting myself in the space. I joined hostmasters to learn public speaking. I read different books. And the one thing he does says is that you have to really believe your future self knows so much more. And just, even as I've gotten older, like I know as a 40 year old, I knew so much more than when I was in my thirties and now I'll admit that I'm in my fifties and it just astounds me with all the things I know.
And that actually comes true when I'm working with the new teachers, right? Because I'm like I've done that and been there. So embracing every life experience you have, whether in the moment, you feel like this was a waste of time and this didn't work out. Cause later on your future self is going to reflect on that and hopefully take a lesson from it.
Maybe a personal connection. So everything you do counts. And that message came through very [00:06:00] clearly in this book. And I do remember at one point I can't remember which philosophy was talking about, but he was saying they didn't experiment about putting someone like, I want to say a desert where they just said, go straight.
But no math and without the math, like everyone ends up veering into a circle. And so he was relating that to if you don't know where you're going, you don't know who that future self is, you end up in a circle because you don't necessarily have your purpose and you don't have your focus. So being in a circle isn't bad.
You're just. Static. You're just there, same spot. And you have no growth at all. I thought it was such a great
Sara Mayer: visual. Yeah. Yeah. And you don't realize maybe that you're going in a circle. Yeah. That was the other point.
Cindy Brown: Yeah, that's true.
Sara Mayer: Yeah. So they break the, he breaks the book up into three basic parts.
The first part is. Threats to your future self. The second one is truths [00:07:00] about your future self. And then the third section is steps so that you can live in your future self today. And I found there's seven threats. I found the threats were really interesting. I mentioned one that we sometimes put stuff off into the future for our future to deal with, but.
Of these seven things, I'll read them maybe. Yeah, I'll read them really quickly. Okay. So threat one is without hope in your future, your present loses meaning. The second one is a reactive narrative about your past stunts, your future. The third being unaware of your environment creates random evolution.
The fourth being disconnected from your future self leads to my. Mythotic decisions, a threat, five urgent battles and small goals. Keep you stuck. We're going to talk [00:08:00] about that one. Threat six, not being in the arena is failing by defaults and threat seven success is often the catalyst for failure.
Dun. Yeah. Anyway of those threats, which ones really stuck out to you, Cindy?
Cindy Brown: I think. They all did. Like I could identify each of those in my life. But number six, not being in the arena is falling by default. So the arena is, even if you're dieting, obviously you have a goal of either being more fit or you want to be a better eater.
But if you don't take that step of, I'm not going to have chocolate cake or I am going to go for the walk. So you have to like, get yourself. On the court or in the arena to do the thing. And if it's a matter of a job change, like when I left my job, I kept saying, Oh yeah, I'm going to retire.
And then I'm going to be. And as soon as I made the switch to, I am a parent [00:09:00] coach. It was like everything else opened up. So for me, it was really like, I can talk about the future. I can dream about the future. But if I don't get on the court or in the arena, I have no chance of being a part of that future.
Sara Mayer: Yeah. It's like you can't win the lottery if you don't play. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. And I love this not being in the arena is failing by default because I think sometimes people think I haven't started that yet. And when you attach that word failing, it's Ooh, I don't want to fail. Okay.
Maybe I need to get started. So it's really about getting in the arena and getting started. I think one of the ones that resonated with me that I hear a lot from clients and listeners is number two, a reactive narrative about your past, unsure future. So I'll hear things like I tried that I did that [00:10:00] once or, and then when I really dig into it, it's yeah, in 1990, I love blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And. They and I've done this too. They've never really tried it again in a different way or realize that thing that they were trying was something they need to build on, not something that they're going to have overnight success. And so in the book, they say, this really stunts your future because while you may want to do something or think you should do something, but you have this past history, you don't know what you're going to do for.
And. Do that thing or you do it in a way where you've always done it that way instead of in a new way. Yeah. I
Cindy Brown: call that stories. So when I'm talking with parents about their children or I'm working with the children, they have the story. I've never been good at math. So my child will never be good at math.
It's okay. But like you, you can be good at math. You've just told yourself the [00:11:00] story for so long, but now you start believing it. Just if you change the story in your future. So in the future, I'm, I'm going to be stronger at math. You work towards achieving that. And that's really where it comes into.
So it's the mindset about all those threads that you just have to be aware. And pause and just ask yourself, is that really true today? When I was 10 years younger, it could have been true because I was a working mom and I had kids and I was busy. Now at this age, I don't have those responsibilities.
So maybe it's not true anymore. Maybe I have more insight. I can ask for more help or I have more time. So you just have to take the past and be like, Oh, that was then. And this is what I learned from it. Maybe this is how I won't do it the next time. But the hope is as we go. forward. We're all learning and growing, so we have to just recognize those past stories and create new future visions.
Sara Mayer: Yeah. And I love that, [00:12:00] that you call them stories because it's a story we tell ourselves sometimes to make ourselves feel better. Like it's okay. You're not good at math. You, your parents weren't good at math. You've never been good at math. Yeah. Makes me feel better. All right. I don't have to be good at math.
One of the other ones that really I thought that you would want to speak about is where it is. It's
Cindy Brown: number three.
Sara Mayer: Yes. Number three, being unaware of your environment creates random evolution. I read that one. I was like, Oh my gosh, this is Cindy. So he's going to talk about this one. Yeah.
Cindy Brown: And again, it's being in the arena. It's showing up. It's doing the hard. Things and stopping the story. , I definitely, when I look back at my 30 year teaching career and pivot, I've always was the person who was.
Okay. I don't know this. I should try that. I would apply for jobs that on paper I may not have [00:13:00] been qualified for. . But the attitude I'll just let them tell me I'm not qualified and I could you more times than not, like I got the position. Yeah. And I was petrified, but be, I cared. So by being scared, it forced me to go forward and I get that.
That's. A weird thing, but I have joined social groups, tennis group, like different things, knowing that I was starting at the bottom and oh gosh, but you end up rising up as you get with people that know a little bit more. And if you find the people who are passionate, all they want to do is shower you with their passion and then you can latch on and go forward.
So that's looking at your environment. Who are you hanging out with? They say the five people that you hang out with the most is. The sum of who you become and sometimes you have to change those five people, not that you've outgrown them, but perhaps you want more and perhaps they just served a period of time right now because that's what you needed and that's
Sara Mayer: okay.
Yeah. And I [00:14:00] highlighted a quote in here and I wrote right next to it, Cindy between stimulus and response, there's a space. And in that space is our power to choose our response. And in our response lies our growth and our freedom. And I wrote Cindy in the notes and then learning mindset because growth mindset because you always talk about that.
And I think That threat is when you don't have that growth mindset and you're not looking to learn and grow where you end up going in that circle you talked about.
Cindy Brown: So the opposite of a growth mindset would be a fixed mindset. So the easiest analogy, since some of you are just listening and you don't see us on YouTube, it's imagine a jar, like your head was a jar and the lid is closed.
It's fixed. You already have your story. I'm not good at math or it could be a positive thing. I'm a great public speaker. But then you don't think you have to learn anything more. Maybe you should be a great panelist. Who knows, but the growth [00:15:00] mindset leads with curiosity. So you're always wondering who will I meet today or curious about?
If I join this club or this networking group, what's the possibility? And that also speaks to your environment is just that. Growth mindset of being curious and open with no judgment and whatever happens.
Sara Mayer: Yeah. I love that. And I pointed out threat number four, being disconnected from your future self leads to, how do you say that word?
Myopic decisions. And I have a huge. Highlighted every sentence in this paragraph, but I'm going to summarize it. So connection starts with having empathy for your future self, just as you'd have empathy for another person to have empathy. You consider the other person's perspective. You try to understand where they're coming from and what matters to them.
Importantly, building a connection to your future self requires seeing your future self as a different person than who you are [00:16:00] today. Yeah.
Cindy Brown: So in my op ed basically just means like not making a decision or just like spontaneously doing something, which of course there's a time and place for that. But in this book, he's saying picture what you want in the future.
This next decision, does that get you closer to it, or does it derail you or start you going in the circle? Again, it is a mindset. And when I was reading that, I was thinking about, dieting and help, it's so many times I'll just have a little piece of chocolate. I'll just have this little 1 bite of cake.
But what if I said, no, the future self wants to be healthier and I didn't have the one piece of cake or the bite of cake or the little smidge of whatever. And that would be me getting into the arena, me taking charge of, yeah, is that bite worth it? Is it leading me toward my goal?
No. Yeah.
Sara Mayer: And then the one I'm dying always to talk about is threat number five. Which is urgent [00:17:00] battles and small goals keep you stuck so many times I talk to people and they're like, Oh, I set a goal. I want to do this many sales and it's 10% more than they did last time. Like, how about we set a bold goal, but many times we set goals.
Because that are safe because we're scared about the ones that we want to be successful and we're scared about the bold ones that we might not know how to do it or how to get there or how, or even be able to achieve it. Yeah, and a lot of that
Cindy Brown: again is time management. It's okay. If this is a priority, then I can't worry about this little stuff that takes me, 2 minutes to do, like, when I used to work with kids, and I would have them do a researcher report.
I would say if Siri can answer your question, then that's not research. You have to go deeper and this is almost the same thing, right? You have to pick and choose. And sometimes that bigger thing [00:18:00] can be. Busted into little pieces to get you there. And again, that pulls in that story of the story of I've never done anything like that before.
You can't ask me to do more than 10% growth. Like what, what would happen? So say you said we're going to double it. Okay. Maybe you didn't double it, but I bet you got more than
Sara Mayer: 10%. Yeah. I bet you changed along the way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I love this idea of the threats and he really puts it into perspective why we get.
Sometimes in our way of our future self or sabotage our future self. And then in part two, he talks about the truths of your future self. So I'll read those again, unless you want to read, you were a teacher. You used to tell people to read, didn't you? You were one of those. I would ask.
Cindy Brown: Okay. Truth one, your future drives your present.
Truth two, your future self is different than you expect. Truth three, your future [00:19:00] self is the pied piper, and I really like this one. Truth four, your future self is based on what you're actively measuring. Truth five, failing as your future self is better than succeeding as your current self. Truth six, success is achieved by being true to your future self, nothing else.
And truth seven, your view of God impacts your future self. And I will say he handled that gently. It's not like an in your face religious. Point.
Sara Mayer: Yeah. Which ones really stood out for
Cindy Brown: you? Three, like your future self is the pied piper. And what he was pretty much saying is there's always a cost, not necessarily a financial cost, but it could be your cost on your growth cost on an income.
And so you either. can pay it up front, such as investing in a business coach, inventing, investing in a calendar plan, or maybe a social media, something that saves you [00:20:00] time, or you pay for it at the end because you're doing everything yourself. You can only do so many things. So you're not getting as far.
So it's that self check of. Okay. Do I want to pay now? Do I want to invest in myself? How much do I believe in my future or do I just keep on keeping on and hope that eventually I get there and then maybe that's the cost of not being as far along as you could have been.
Sara Mayer: Yeah. And I think so many times I like how we use the term the Pied Piper because so many times we make choices, but we don't really think about that cost.
I'm going to go help with this event. I'll use this as an example. I have clients who are like, this is my goal. And then I'll talk to them like, Oh, how was your week? Oh, I was super busy with this event. I'm like, wait, that has nothing to do with your goal. What's the cost of that? And the cost is.
Typically their future and their goals get further and further away. [00:21:00]
Cindy Brown: Yeah. She was paying the Pied Piper later, pay me now, pay me later, but it's your future. So why not invest in yourself now? And also think about anything you've invested in. Don't you pay better attention? Don't you want your money's worth?
So if you don't make that initial investment in yourself and trust yourself, yeah. How is it? How is it you're going to move forward? You are your best coach.
Sara Mayer: Yeah. One of the concept was, is your future drives your presence. And what I really liked about this one is he has this whole section on goals.
And so I'm going to read you this one section goals, create the constraints that guide us. And flow most easily, sorry, flow most easily occurs as you break big goals down into their smallest chunk. So for example, if you're a football team, you rather than overly focusing on the goal to [00:22:00] win the game, you simply focus on the set of downs, the specific plays, and rather than trying to win the game, you try to get the touchdowns or the next first down.
And those are the mile markers. And so focusing on the goal right in front of you. Will help you achieve what your future self wants. I thought that was really interesting because I think so many times people set these big goals and like the goal is to win the game, but that's really the outcome of moving the ball down the field and making touchdowns.
So that's an outcome and you don't necessarily have control over whether you win the game. Because the other team is also trying to do the same thing. And it's very similar to weight loss. People will say I want to lose 50 pounds. And when in reality it could be, I want to be a healthier person. And so in order to do that, I'm eating healthy, I'm exercising and everything like that.
[00:23:00] The outcome is I might lose. 50 pounds or more or inches or whatever. It's not what I thought was really
Cindy Brown: interesting. When I read it, like the teacher and me looked at it as, okay, there's a curriculum, right? There's a state standard. I need the kids to know, so I have to back it up. Okay. So in order to them, for them to know this.
What do I have to teach in the beginning? And then what do I build on? And so you gradually get there. And so my whole life is a lesson plan anyways, all the steps, but it's okay that your first step is getting educated or getting more information. That's still you in the present setting up for your future.
One of my favorite songs, I think you've heard me talk about this before is by Van Halen. It's called right now is your tomorrow. My license plate is right now. RHT. I
Sara Mayer: didn't realize that. That's awesome. Yeah,
Cindy Brown: because basically it's, whatever you're thinking now leads to your future. And sometimes it's just, if I'm kind to the person and I hold the door, that's going to make me feel [00:24:00] good moving forward.
So it's all the little things that you're doing in the present, the choices you're making. It's setting you up for tomorrow, and tomorrow could be literally tomorrow, or it could be a year from now. Yeah.
Sara Mayer: Can you talk about truth four?
Cindy Brown: Truth four. Your future self is based on what you're actively measuring.
I think that's mostly like you do need those mile markers. You do need, like I was saying with the curriculum I know I want students to get here, but I need these little points to get there. Or about a year ago, I had a coach help me with mindset and she talked about your personal vibration and your energy.
And that was when I was going to leave teaching to become a parent coach. And so she would explain it as if there was this imaginary funnel and who I want to be is at the top of this funnel. But right now I'm at the bottom and it's not a bad place, but that's who I am. So we had to put things in place.
To move my vibration, so to speak up and step [00:25:00] into that person was like little tasks to help me measure what I was doing. So it could have been okay, I'm going to make sure that I'm on at least 1 stage every month. The stage being a podcast up. In face for a presentation an I, July, and then from there I could grow because I was gaining.
I'm going to say better speaking skills as I'm tripping all over myself, but all those little steps were leading to the bigger presentation where I could go on a stage and I don't have to have my notes and I don't need a slide deck. So I think that. Truth is really about having those mile markers, but also reflecting and saying these were a little steps, but a lot of little steps add up, right?
12 little inches. Whoop. You got a foot. So it's the same kind of mindset. Yeah.
Sara Mayer: I used to work in sales and I had an operations team that did data. And one of the things that we used to always say is what you measure gets done. And [00:26:00] we knew that there were certain things that successful people did in sales that led to more sales.
And so one of the wild ideas, which I didn't think was so wild, but somebody told me it was wild. I said why don't we reward people off the things that we know lead to more sales instead of rewarding people off the sales? Oh no, you can't be the top sales person and not have the most sales. And I was like if they're doing all the steps, it's going to be one in the same, but it's shifting the mindset of the people who are thinking I can't get sales.
I'm not that person to say, if I do five calls a day. I'm going to get whatever that reward was. And when we did that, the mind shift changes changed, but also the leaderboard was shook up, but people were actually making more sales. Even the people who we thought were tapped out, [00:27:00] like that's the most they'll ever do because they're just awesome.
When they started focusing on the activities that led to sales, they actually got better at sales. Yeah,
Cindy Brown: and a lot. That's great. And a lot of people are doing little things and they don't give themselves credit for it. Yeah, where parents will say, oh, but my child still talks back to me.
And I'll say remember when we 1st started this conversation 3 months ago, and then you implemented this strategy and that's true. Isn't that better now? And they're Oh, yeah. Now I've just leveled up. And so the truth is there is no end to our growth because once you think you're like, all right, I mastered this.
This is cool. Oh, there's a next level forever. Yeah. Yeah. I
Sara Mayer: love that. What other truths stood out to you? Oh, let
Cindy Brown: me review the list. Oh, goodness. The future self is different than you expect because you haven't been there yet. So you can imagine all you want to, but you don't know who's going to come in your life. Who's going to give you that opportunity. One of my [00:28:00] favorite quotes is from Oprah Winfrey, where she says luck is just when training and experience interact so that, it collides at the right time.
So really there is no luck because if you don't prepare yourself for that opportunity, you don't know where you're going to go. And this is pretty much an alignment like that. I could sit there and tell you that. Oh, in 10 years, and I'll look like this, my business will be this big. And I hope it's going to be that way, but I don't know who else is going to intervene.
Now that I'm putting it out in the universe, maybe other people's vibrational matches are shifting towards me, or I'm going towards them.
Sara Mayer: Yeah. I love it. And one of the quotes in here is people tend to assume that who they are right now for the most part is the finished version. There's also a really cool quiz in here.
You can visit future self. com slash difference to access an imagination tool that allows you to see how your [00:29:00] future self may be different than your current self. So Thank you. I'm excited to check
Cindy Brown: that one out. Yeah. That was, it sounded really cool. Yeah.
Sara Mayer: All right. So the next section of the books, part three is the seven steps for building your future self.
And I think we should cover these kind of in order because these are the steps that should be taken in order. So step one is to clarify your contextual purpose.
Cindy Brown: Yeah, I'm sure you talk about that all the time with your clients if you don't know what it is you want, how do you know what you need to get there? Is it a person? Is it an experience? Is it more practice? And the further out? Hey, the more little steps you get to take to get there. So that's more learning and more growth.
Yeah.
Sara Mayer: And I think one of the key things as well is to decide because so many times going back to being kind to your future self, [00:30:00] many people, many of my clients don't know really where they want to go or don't know what their bold goals are or don't even have an idea for that. And they're not going to get an idea until they start to decide.
It doesn't mean that they have to make all the decisions, but they need to decide at least a general direction where they're just, they're not even in the circle. They're just like standing there in the middle. So making a decision to move forward and. One of the things that they talk about in this section is priorities.
And I mentioned that about some of my clients, but he says, if you have more than three priorities, this is Jim Collins. If you have more than three priorities, you don't have any. And when we really think about bold goals or future. Self or legacy or anything like that, when you're doing too many things or you don't have your priorities in order, you end up not doing anything basically.[00:31:00]
Right.
Cindy Brown: Or you're mediocre at a whole bunch of stuff. Yeah, but not excelling at any one thing, so if you flip it that way okay, if I really want to become this person or have this habit in my life and that's where my focus is and the other little things are fine, but they don't really count towards going forward.
And so they don't get as much as my time or my
Sara Mayer: attention. Yeah. I used to joke a while ago that if you wanted to, if you wanted me to do anything. Ask me in June, July, and August, because those are my slow months. And so I would pretty much say yes to anything back then, because I'm like I'm bored. I have time.
But the reality was like the planning would be in those months, but the actual event would be in the busiest season of my life. And then when that season came around, I was like, why did I even say yes to this? And it goes back to not having the right priorities and the right things in [00:32:00] order where I was able to actually focus.
Cindy Brown: Yeah, a lot of people refer to that as their bandwidth. I hear a lot of people these days I just don't have the bandwidth for that conversation today or, but that it's a real thing. You can only take in so much information and there's only so many hours in the day. Yeah, it's okay to say, into yourself.
This isn't going to move my needle forward. And just, thanks for asking. I'm sorry. I can't participate this year. Yeah. And
Sara Mayer: for the listeners you probably heard me say, I don't say no to things anymore because I felt guilty. So I now say, thank you so much for thinking of me. Do you know who would be really good at that?
And then I give opportunities to others so they can choose to say no or take it on. But it makes me feel a little better because I don't feel so bad saying, and then step two is eliminate
Cindy Brown: lesser goals. Yeah, so it was pretty much what we were talking about, like really prioritize. [00:33:00] I was actually thinking that this book would be a great gift for a college grad or even a high school grad as far as, what's going to come up next.
And so in the case of my own daughter, like she wasn't certain what she wanted to do. And I just said you've got time. So you could volunteer with animals, with elderly, with children, with sick, with whatever, figure it out. And even if it just means you're eliminating, that's okay. So sometimes you do have to test the water when I like, when I started my business, I wanted to have this big group and it was all inclusive parents and all this.
And it was too hard to manage the conversations wouldn't work. If I had a 6th grade parent and a kindergarten parent. So I had to refigure, but had I not gotten into the arena? Had I not set out my goals? I wouldn't know what things I could chip away to make it really focused. And as you said, now, I know my.
Okay. Focus is with those gifted families and that's who is being called for me to serve. But it [00:34:00] took me a while because I was like, I want to serve everyone. I can do the homeschooling population. I can do the, the elementary, I can do this and it was too much and I couldn't blend them.
And I certainly didn't want 8 pockets to attend to too many fires or too many rings in my circus. It's okay. Like you could start off wide, but just figure out a system so that you can narrow it down.
Sara Mayer: Yeah. And then step three, elevate from needing to wanting to knowing. Yeah. Needing
Cindy Brown: is maybe a hope.
Wanting is more of a desire. So you're starting to focus, but you're not taking action. But when, you can go forward because you have that vision and you're like that's what future Cindy was going to look like. That's the information future Cindy needs to have. Yeah, so it was an interesting way, how he described it in the sense that there are those 3 steps, but you can't just sit back and yeah, I just need a bigger income because I know I want a bigger house one day and I [00:35:00] should get a new car. But if you don't start taking action and knowing how am I going to make this happen? Not going to move.
Sara Mayer: Yeah. And I love that this says this takes us
to step four, which is asked for exactly what you want. And you've done this, Cindy. I
Cindy Brown: have done this. So when I worked with that previous coach, I mentioned she had me journaling and it was journaling and meditation. And at first I was like. What's like, how does this even get you anything? What is manifesting, but what it did.
So there's like a scientific kind of thing. And then there's the more as some people would say, but writing out gratitude. It's this is what I recognize in my life today. This is what I'm happy for. It could be people. It could be situations. It could be items what it could be a feeling and then what is it you want?
Yeah. So I would just say it'd be nice if I [00:36:00] had 10 people for this next program I'm doing, I would love to remodel my kitchen Sunday and all these things. And then I would follow it with meditation, which could be sometimes it was guided listening to a recording. And sometimes it was just sitting outside 5 minutes, 10 minutes, whatever I time for.
But what I learned was that quiet time was the downloads. That was when everything was answered. I don't want to say magically. I just want to say because I'm still because this is my vision. And this is my future that I've been writing about. And it just comes in. I dabbled with vision boards.
And for me, what I found better was to create a box that says. What's contained in this box is real and I started just clipping pictures of the things I wanted in my new kitchen. I started clipping vacations. I wanted, I started writing paragraphs of the course. I wanted to teach and I would just put it in the box.
And once a month, I would revisit it. And sometimes I had to update it. And that was my only issue with the vision [00:37:00] board. You don't tend to update it until maybe the next year. So I can improve the picture, but it, for me, it just helps bring things into the present. And so I think for me, the whole idea of journaling is to keep all of the things you desire in the front of your mind, the meditating, just quiet your mind.
So you can almost imagine. Who do I need to talk to? How do I do this? It just allows you to be curious and for me having the box tangibly touching my notes or my pictures, or sometimes I even have receipts in there from when I finally made the purchase towards something I wanted it all. It was real. It came together and it wasn't overnight.
And some things took a year. Some things happen, but it just made me be so present on today. Thank That I could look forward and get that knowing.
Sara Mayer: Yeah, I love it. And then step five, automate and systemize your [00:38:00] future self. This is all me right here. Yeah, that is all you. I think this is, and you talked about it just now, cause you had a system, you have the box, you update it, you review it.
I think. The, I know the clarity in the future really comes from how often you have a system to think about that future, because it's so easy to get in the here and now I need to do the laundry. I need to take the kids to school. I need to do this. Oh my gosh. Spring break is coming up. Oh, we need to plan a vacation.
And so when you don't have a system to think about the future or to bring that into life, It makes it easier to just push it off into the next. I'll deal with that later, or I'm not ready to start doing that. And I think that's where really putting a system in place for review, but also for when you're going to dream, because as adults, sometimes we stop dreaming.[00:39:00]
Yeah,
Cindy Brown: and so I put that into my calendar. I just knew I'd never had a business appointment open on my calendar, I'll say, before 11 in the morning. So that way I had time to do my journal. I had time to meditate. I had time to do movement, whether it was walking the dog or actually doing a bike ride or something bigger, but I had to prioritize that because I needed that meditation time, that marinating of, okay, let's just synthesize everything that's going on, And then I'd have to carry that baggage into my day and then looking at my day and I know Sarah, you teach this, I started blocking like this time.
It should be when I check my emails and I have 2 hours to do that. And this time is when I'm willing to do evening webinars are only on Tuesdays or Thursdays and I chunked it and that gave me ownership. Of everything. So when other people came and said, Oh, can you do this? And I can say I can only present on Tuesday or Thursday.
Does that work for you? It still allowed me to do the things that I want to [00:40:00] do and that I know to do to get to my future self.
Sara Mayer: Yeah. And so that's step six, schedule your future self. And I love that putting it in your calendar. And there's a book called the art of the war of art. And this has been recommended to the book club.
So we might have to read it. It's Steven Pressfield and he talks about procrastination. So he says procrastination is the most common Manus manifestation of resistance between, because it's easy to rationalize. We don't tell ourselves, I'm never going to write. My book instead. We say I'm going to write my book.
I'm just going to start tomorrow the more important call or action to our souls evolution the more resistance we will feel Towards pursuing it which I think is really interesting more important. It is The more resistant we will be to pursue it.
Cindy Brown: [00:41:00] Yeah. When I first joined Toastmasters, obviously, it's an opportunity to take on different roles and write speeches.
And I'm like, yeah, I'll just listen and evaluate. I'm learning so much by evaluating other speeches. And then I finally had to get in the arena, I had to write my speech, do my presentation. And move forward. And it's funny, like the more you hesitate, the heavier it seems to go forward instead of just having that thought and just like pushing the execute button, like just go do it.
And the other thing, what I love from Brene Brown, she always says like your first time is always the worst. She says it in a different way, but I don't know if I can say that word on the podcast, so I won't say it. As you call it, we'll just say it's FFTs anyways. But the idea is just go into it knowing it's bad.
Like it's not going to be good. And switching from teaching to my business was in the middle of pandemic. I had to get online. I had to make videos and craft little things. And I just kept [00:42:00] saying I'd rather do it now while I don't have an audience. So it looks better once I finally, have this audience.
And sure enough, by the time. I had significant followers. There's Oh my God, you do your own social media. It's so good. It just cracks me up because I don't think it's that good. But if you would have seen me when I started, it is really good.
Sara Mayer: Yeah, absolutely. And number seven, which I know that we've Receive this lesson a lot of times aggressively complete imperfect work.
And as a teacher, I'm sure you always strove for an a plus in all your work. No,
Cindy Brown: actually. And I would tell parents, if your kids are getting an a or an a plus in my class, then. That I'm not doing them service like you need the opportunity to fail and feel frustrated so that you can learn from it. So I'm not saying, I would give students things that weren't in their wheelhouse of skill, [00:43:00] but doing getting things done and out there is sometimes more important than it being perfect because you are the only 1 that looks at all those little details.
If it's an email blast or a social media post, and things can always be edited afterwards, it's not that big a deal. Thanks so much. Nowadays. Yeah. Yeah. Nowadays. But yeah it's hard to let go of everything being perfect, but imagine all the time you're spending on making sure like that little space is filled in the right way on your email or on your slide and big picture.
It doesn't matter. Your message is what matters, whatever you're putting out there needs to be seen or heard. And so just get out there and then you can move on from there.
Sara Mayer: I don't know if you've read the book tribes by Godden but what he talks about is shipping. So Steve jobs had a quote to real artists ship.
And so he says the only purpose in this book, tribes, the only [00:44:00] purpose of starting is to finish. And while the projects we do are never really finished, they must ship. So shipping means hitting the publish button on your blog, showing a presentation to the sales team, answering the phone, selling the muffins, sending out your references.
Shipping is the collision between your work and the outside world. Consistently shipping is what enables you to get to your best.
Cindy Brown: That's true. Cause it's that reflection piece. It's the, okay, now I have this shell of what I want it to look like. So for next month I can just, buff it up a little bit.
Sara Mayer: Yeah. And he goes on to say, shipping isn't focused on producing a masterpiece, but all masterpieces do get shipped. I've produced more than a hundred books. Most didn't sell very well, but if I hadn't, I never would have had the chance to write this one. Picasso painted more than a thousand paintings and yet you can probably only name three of [00:45:00] them at most.
Yeah. But he shipped them.
Cindy Brown: Yeah. We just, we see everyone's day 90 and we forget that they had a day one. And so everyone had a day one, everyone failed along the way. We just don't always get the window to view that. And we just have to give ourselves grace. And I think that kind of goes back to the beginning of, give your future self some grace to fail and test things out and investigate and just know you're not going to get it right
Sara Mayer: out of the gate.
Yeah. And in conclusion, they talk about how your future self compounds in whatever directions you decide to go in and focus. And the simpler and the more clear your future self is, the more focused you'll be and the likelihood you'll achieve that.
Cindy Brown: That's gold. Yeah, it is because it's not as intimidating, right?
, if you're just gonna take these small little things, picture it, if it was a checkerboard with m and ms, you start with one m and m, they got two, [00:46:00] then four. By the time you get to the end of the checkerboard, you got like a lot of m and ms. Yeah. So it's a good way to move forward because bite size is always easier.
And then you just just go forward.
Sara Mayer: Yeah. If you were to have the opportunity to ask the author a question, what would you ask him and why?
Cindy Brown: He talks about, he used the resource you mentioned where you can tap into what your future self, and he talked about writing a letter to his future self.
And so he was saying how on his first wedding anniversary, he and his wife wrote a letter. Imagining where we'll be 10 years from our wedding date. So it was nine years in the future. And I think he's still in that path. So I would love to know the results of that. I did something similar when I started my business, but my letter was three years.
And so I had a coach, lead me in this exercise. And so she had me date it exact the same date, month, date, and then put the year [00:47:00] and I chose to do it about my family. And so you just had to write it like, oh, life's been great. Let me catch you up on what's going on. And so I described me and my business and my husband and his business and what my kids were doing.
And it was cool to imagine where we're all going to be in three years. And with that, then you have to think about how old you're going to be in three years, right? Are you going to be closer to a birthday ending in a zero or a five? Does that impact you? Then if you have children, are they going to be closer to the adult age?
Like, how has their life been a pivot? So it was. Really a multi level experience because I was thinking about all the main people I interact with. I also shared the letter with my family and they were like, really? You think in 3 years that, this is how you see me. And that was really impactful too, because they hadn't thought ahead.
At the time, 21 and 23. They're living for the now. But it was really amazing to see their reaction because I hadn't [00:48:00] anticipated that and it has been three years and I should find that letter. But I think as far as my kids they're pretty much met what I suspected would be happening.
Yeah, it's a good thing. If 10 years is too challenging, definitely do 3 years, but. Take into consideration what your age will be then. And, everyone else, and another reason I also pivoted my business is a lot of people say, Oh, it takes five years to have a successful business. And I'm like I'll be well into my sixties.
So maybe I don't have to have a huge business. And so that also helped me narrow it. I'm like, I could totally do this because you don't want to work forever.
Sara Mayer: Yeah. He started the book off talking about Mr. Beast on YouTube. , and Mr. Beast, when he was, I guess he was 17, he recorded videos for his future self telling, saying, oh, by this time we have a million followers or whatever, and he went I've followed his [00:49:00] story, but one of the coolest parts about it is he went all in on YouTube.
Like he decided and he formed. If you will, a little mastermind group where all they did was study YouTube all day on a group, I guess a group zoom or a group chat or something, whatever gamers do. And so he recorded these videos for his future self, and then he scheduled them to go out on YouTube. 3, 5, 10, and 15 years in the future.
So they're already recorded when he was 17, they're already going out. And the one that went out where it was like you'll have more than a million followers by now, he had 44 million followers at that time. But it's really cool because he was able to really envision his future self. And it gave him the motivation, he didn't remember everything he said in the videos, but it gave him the motivation to work really hard to meet those metrics because he knew they were [00:50:00] going to be put out into the world. So I thought that was really cool. Side note, if you ever want to watch a really great YouTube video, there's a video called the.
impossible task of managing Mr. Beast. He's an operations guy. And that's a really interesting video.
Cindy Brown: So it's interesting that, that story was in the beginning of the book, because I think when he was talking about the truth, No, I'm sorry. When he was talking about the steps, he said, ask for exactly what you want.
And so what they did with the visa was he was saying like if you like this, mark that you like it, follow me. So he was asking people to, participate and give ideas and support it. That was another reason he was able to grow so quickly was because of that ask. And he knew where he wanted to go, but based on algorithms like he needed.
All the people to click like and to share it and all those things. . Yeah. So it was, that's a, I didn't even think about the connection of the whole book coming together with that story. Yeah. [00:51:00]
Sara Mayer: Yeah. I've really loved this book. So book club members, if you haven't read it, this is a great summary.
Of course, you still could get it and read it but I'm always curious to ask. Yes. What other books are you reading, Cindy? Oh, wow. I just finished
Cindy Brown: atomic habits, which I know has been around for a while. And that's that was great to a lot of great little changes and shifts and I'm reading a book trying to think it's called the habits of health.
And I think maybe that's why I kept quoting so, so many health references earlier, but it really aligns with this book really well, and it's just about what is your future self want, do you what so my future self was, in 10 years, I could be a grandma, believe it or not, I want to be able to sit on the floor with my kids and get back up again, not getting up like I'm a toddler on, All fours, like just pop up, so it was guiding me through.
If that's who I want to be, is there a certain weight? Is there a certain size? What exercises do I have [00:52:00] to do? So it's been a very interesting book as far as, how to control your health and make the decisions on a daily. Oh, that's going to help you for the future. Like I mentioned before, do I need that bite?
Yeah, maybe not. Do I need the salty thing? I, what can, what's another alternative?
Sara Mayer: Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I am reading wealth habits on the habit track. Cause that's the next book for book clubs. I just started that one by Candy Valentino who's to Phoenix. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm reading.
All right. Cindy, I've really enjoyed this conversation. If somebody is listening and they're like, Oh my gosh, I need to work with Cindy. How could they get in touch with you? And then what could they maybe expect?
Cindy Brown: They can email at Cindy at polished parents. com or on Facebook, go to polished parents or Instagram.
It's also polished underscore parents. So we can contact me there and pretty much I just meet you where you're at. So I will [00:53:00] just talk to you about your family and what are your needs and what is your future? What do you want to see in your children? What do you want to feel as a parent moving forward?
And that's where we start. We talk about where you want to go. And how we can go about getting you there together.
Sara Mayer: I love it. And so many parents out there, they struggle on their own and, they try and figure it out. But in reality, when you do have a bold goal or you're trying to do something big, there are other people out there that can help you.
So always reach out. Yes.
Cindy Brown: Thank you. And thank you for having me today. This was a great conversation.
Sara Mayer: Yeah. I love these book conversations, but I also love having great guests who like this book called your name. As soon as I saw it, I was like, Oh, this is a Cindy book. So I just love when it's a great fit.
Thank you. All right, everyone. It's time to get out there and crush your goals and everything that gets in the way because you do not need to work double time. So get to it.
Thank you for [00:54:00] tuning into the bold goal crusher podcast where we crush goals and everything that gets in the way.
I look forward to seeing you crush your goals this year.
